Okay, I have battled social anxiety my whole life, and I have decided to turn around and attack it dead on. I have been getting a lot better, and it's not so hard anymore for me to smile at people and get into conversations. Here's the problem: It never goes past acquintances. Now I have a ton of people I talk to and no friends to speak of. A lot of you will say "invite them to do something" BUT, how do OTHER people make friends? How do any of the people I talk to make friends if they never make the first move?
Secondly: I think I probably don't click to make actual FRIENDS with people because I haven't met anyone with my interests. The only outside activity I have is work, and there aren't many people my age (early 20's) and the ones who are are into drinking (ALL THE TIME) and drugs and crap. Having social phobia, all my interests are things one can do alone at home. (lol) Any tips on things I might get involved with to meet a variety of people and perhaps make friends?
Meeting people and making friends?
i deel with anxiety 2, I still don't hve close friends bcs i always try 2 be funny, just be urslef, but a more outgoing version, don't change who u r just to make friends
Reply:How old are you Ann?
If you were based in Birmingham , i would tell you to come to my house and have a chat with me.
I too find it hard to develop friendships from the acquiantance stage into actual friendships. Sometimes you have to make the first move, and suggest meeting up for a coffeee or to see a movie.
Those people you see who have loads of mates are full of confidence and are naturally chatty. Its hard if your scared of how people perceive you and if you are not naturalyconfident.
I battle with my confidence and pray for god to make me stronger and more resilient.
Reply:you sound like me. i have social anxiety really bad so i dont know how to make friends either
maybe if you read the personal experiences on this website it will help you to figure out ways to make friends
http://www.phobics-society.org.uk/condit...
Reply:Making friends is not so hard, but somebody has to step up to the plate. The only way to find similar interests is to do things you like. have fun. People like fun. Avoiding the drinking and drugs and crap is a good thing. There is bound to be plenty of things you can get involved with. Go to YMCAs or gyms and work out. Participate in some sport. Or volunteer for some activity. Schools, Churches, Athletic organizations. Non profit organizations. Hospitals, Pet Shelters. There all kinds of things you can do. Do something that interests you and you will meet people with similar interests. Be Yourself.
Reply:I understand your predicament.
And you're smart to try to tackle it.
You're right, it's all about the stuff you are involved with.
And once you get out of school, it's hard, because that was your focus of social activity.
So you have to make things to do.
Take some night classes. Fun stuff - start some new hobbies, but make sure they are NOT things that you only do alone at home.
Like, photography, painting, but make sure you get into social situations with those, like group photography field trips, or painting in a class where you paint figure models, go on field trips to the mountains, etc.
And sometimes, you just have to take the initiative to invite people.
Maybe it would be easier, to get into something like that, and try to get a group of people together to do something.
That way, you're not going to stress about asking ONE PERSON who might turn you down!
Because that's when you start saying to yourself "oh no, what if they don't want to, because they think I'm weird" etc., - in other words, all the things that make you paralyzed to actually act!
If you invited a bunch of people, and only 4 show up, it's still fine!
Reply:I am exactly the same: I find it really hard to make friends. I started casual work 3 months ago after finishing uni, and whilst I seem to get on really well with everyone, and even might seem quite confident (I deal with people on the phone and face to face all day), I do not have contact with anyone outside of the work place, whilst others do.
I know the best way to challenge social anxiety is to challenge it, so I go out to places, visit art galleries I want to see, and such forth. But you don't make friends this way. I intend to join the local photography club, although I am naturally very socially anxious about going. It would be a good idea if there were local groups where socially anxious people could meet up and socialise together, as I'd certainly feel a lot more comfortable if someone understood what I was going through. But as far as I can see, nothing like this exists. I have been learning a bit of basic HTML, so intend to set up a website for my local area (Durham) with the intention of doing this.
Solidarity with all those suffering with social anxiety...
Reply:HAHAHA! That's cute of what you've just said. It's kind of funny. Anyways, you might want to find people who you have common with. For instance, if you like to act go to the local community theatre. I've tried to get in with the production, they said that I'm too young, but they like my voice though. Anyways, spend times in the park. Well, you might need to spend some money. Money does buy a little of happiness, but not the major ones. You should find your interest, and just do it. You may be good at it, someone will see, and they'll start to compliment you; then you can makes friends.
It might be because thet you spend a lots of time on your computer. If you would just go outside for no reason, you'll start to see the beautiful world out of your house. Do you still remember what it's like being a teenager or a kid? Well, teens loves to do random stuff, because it's fun. You never know what you gonna get, that's the beauty of it. If you know, it won't be exicted at all.
Where you live might be the case. If you live in a ghetto like I do, it's kind of hard to go outside. It's a little dangerous. Actually I don't live in ghetto, but it's almost like that. Let's just say I'm poor. OK, OK...let's get back to the subject. You might want to move, or try having fun somewhere far away from your house. If you're living in a safe neighbor hood, it's bad also. It's because that the rich folks always stay in their house, and watch their big screen t.v. They like it quiet, and they have a party once in a while.
You should try talking to someone out of your age. It might be a teenagers, middle age, or a senior citizen. You can learn a lots from people w/ different ages. For instance, you can learn a lots about life while talking to a old women, you can learn how dumb/smart teenagers are today, or you can find out what you will be like in 10 or 20 years from now; no offense. I think Albert Einstein said this, but I'm not sure. He said that to be a genius is to have the kid in you. You know, even though you may not be a genius, but having the little kid in you is fun. It's good to act professional, but you must know what is the right time. When you are in the court, and in the park; you might want to act different.
You can have online friends also. Online friends aren't that bad at all. If you and that person are very good friend, you might want to meet up. There are web site like: http://www.myspace.com , http://www.youtube.com , http://www.pogo.com , etc.
Imaginary friends are great. If you think it's too childish, or mental disorder, you should at least keep a journal/diary. It'll keep you a little less lonely. This pen and a legal pad will always listen to what you have to say, it keep a good memory, and it doesn't fight back at all.
Have you ever thought about going back to school. You might need to take a night class for a little more knowledge. Take a class that you're interested in. This is also a good example to find a friend or a lover. You never know. Ten percent of your pay check might bring you some knowledge, some friends, and an extra lover. Love can happend in any time, place, or moment. Oh I forget one thing, it'd be nice to have a dog or a cool pet.
insoles
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